Hello and Welcome to My Healthy Blog
Well today we are having a day off from the normal proceedings with a post full of
As I have stated previously Laughter is another form of dietary control due the fact that if you are laughing whole heartedly you won’t be able to eat, which is just what is needed
at times, another form of control.
Anyway laughing does burn calories, not sure how many, but have a day of laughter and you will find that you are feeling much, much better within yourself.
Well here we go, now use your self-control and stay of the sugary or salty snacks while you go through these jokes have a laugh, it has been scientifically
proven that laughter is totally beneficial for the human body and mind.
The first one might not be that funny but the message is very clear, greed will get you nowhere.
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord
one day and said,
"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the
the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large
pot of stew, which smelled delicious and
made the holy man's mouth
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared
to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped
their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and
take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer
than their arms, they
could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same
as the first
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made
holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same
long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump,
and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."
It is simple," said the Lord. "It requires but one skill. You see they
have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of
I’m in the 7% - Remember that I will always share my spoon with you
10 Good Reasons Golf Is Great
A below par performance is considered damn good.
9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger
and a couple of beers.
8. Its much easier to find the sweet spot.
7. Foursomes are encouraged.
6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
Three times a day is possible.
4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
3. If you live on the Coast, you can do it almost everyday.
2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And, the number one reason why golf is better than
1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!
For your hubby's though you
might appreciate this one.................
After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and
said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV,
but I got
to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV,
but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not
up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find
a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again
be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
Aren't older women great.
really know how to solve your mid-life crisis ......
Dumbest Smartest Man
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly,
the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.
Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better
jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little
boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace".
The little boy handed the parachute
back to the priest and said "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my back pack."
A Kind Offer From Some Terrorists
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped
the President, the Vice-President and the Leader of the Opposition.
They're asking for a $300 million ransom, otherwise they're
going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra
points toward employment" and then asks, Are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."
guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first
two hours we stand around scratching our b----s.. no point in you coming in early."
A Man and His Ostrich
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich
behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
I'll have a beer, too"
says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right
amount of money will always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."
Don't mess with Lady drivers!!
couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 mph.
The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
He says, "because
I've been having an affair with your best friend,
And she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet,
But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases
the speed to 55
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..
Up to 60.
"I want the car, too," he continues.
"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him
nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph,
The wife turns to him and smiles.
Moral of the Story :
Women are clever!!!
Don't mess with them!!
A shortcut through the cemetery
Walking home after a Halloween party,
two young men decided to take a shortcut
through the cemetery for a thrill.
They both stopped abruptly when they
heard a mysterious tap-tap-tapping noise
in the shadows.
Their eyes grew large until the mist cleared
and they saw an old man with a hammer
chisel, chipping at one of the headstones.
one of them exclaimed.
"You scared us half to death!
We thought you were a ghost!
are you doing working here
so late at night?"
The old man replied
"Those darn fools misspelled my name!"
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